Sunday, February 20, 2005

I am in a cafeteria with classmates, and I'm not doing well in school. There was a special session in a class, a requirement for the course, and I missed it. There were two special make-ups and I missed all three. I was in confinement somewhere. I'm not abashed; it's understood, I'm able to do the work, but I'm not doing it. I have the attitude of one who has chosen not to participate with consequences I'm willing to bear.

We leave the cafeteria. My classmates are sypathetic, but it's all as if they understand I'm not cut out to go through this course.

I am now chopping on great long beams of madrone. In a yard somewhere, there are boards which are rough four-corner logs with a diameter of five feet at least. I'm pounding on one with a maul. I will continue to do this, although I know there will be no effect from it. I can barely force the blade to bite. Just long streams of red wood, and I'm pounding on it, but I'll stop soon.

But before that, there is a new order. Over here is - a band of copper. It is the same size as the other logs, same shape, only a darker rust. I can now make progress. I slam it and it begins to sag. (The logs are all horizontal, and I stand beside each to pound away.) This is easier. I may make this work.

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